Well, I’ve been avoiding writing this post for the last week because I have so many thoughts that I’m just not sure how to put into words.

Last week, we found out I’m pregnant again. I am in total denial at this point because I’m just not sure I can handle another miscarriage right now, and the only way I can think of to protect myself from that is to not think about being pregnant, the baby, etc. Usually I start making plans the moment I find out I’m pregnant. This time, I refuse to let my mind wander there.

We’ve launched a new feature on the Family Channel at Blissfully Domestic for “online journals”, where we’ll be featuring 3-4 journals from moms facing different circumstances and stages as mothers. I’ve decided to share some of what I’m feeling in a journal called “Between Hope and Fear,” and the first post should be up later today.

I have a lot of thoughts, most of which I can’t go into right now because it’s 2:15am and I should be sound asleep! But I will be sharing some more of my thoughts about miscarriage and pregnancy later in the week.

I will say this. My intuition tells me that this baby is going to be okay. However, even saying that out loud scares me because what if this is the time I’m wrong? Then I look like an idiot on top of my grief…

And that pretty much answers the question of why I’m sharing all of this. It seems to me that miscarriage is shrouded in embarrassment and loneliness, and the more I experience that, the more I want to share. It’s okay to keep your pregnancies/miscarriages a secret if you’re doing it for yourself, of course. But I wonder how many women do it because they’re embarrassed or worried about being embarrassed? Maybe I’m the only one, but somehow I doubt it.