How I Do It All…Secrets from a Perfect Wife and Mother
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Ha! That title sounds like it belongs on some gimicky ebook or late-night infomercial, and let me assure you that this post will NOT live up to its name!
Lately I’ve been getting a lot of emails and comments asking me how I do it all. There must be something in the air because I’m noticing a lot of other bloggers talking about getting those same kind of emails.
Tsh @ Simple Mom had an awesome post last week (while I was still composing this one in my head…) in response to that very question, and she hit the nail on the head. The key is that no one – NO ONE! – can do it all. It’s simply impossible. For every activity that I do, there’s another that I am choosing not to do. For everything I accomplish, there’s something else that is left undone.
And so here is a summary of what I do and what I don’t do…
| I do… | I don’t… |
| Maintain three blogs | Blog every day on all three |
| Homeschool my girls | Spend lots of time playing on the floor with them |
| Work full-time | Sleep 8 hours every night |
| Do fun arts & crafts with my girls | Do any arts & crafts for myself |
| Cloth diaper | Make homemade meals every night |
| Garden | Pick my strawberries or weed my garden as often as needed |
| Pray…a lot | Do daily devotions |
| Like a straight, clean house | Insist on perfection |
I also don’t read or bake very often – two things I love to do – spend much time networking on Twitter, LinkedIn or Facebook or get much down time. I do, however, get snappy and tearful when I try to do too much and end up exhausted.
But honestly, when it comes down to it, I think the thing that makes the biggest difference in getting so much done is that I don’t leave the house. Seriously. We go to church and run errands on Sundays, and a lot of weeks that is the only time I go anywhere. I’m not complaining. The truth is I’m a total homebody, we only have one car and I have a lot on my plate, so I’m okay with it.
There’s no doubt, though, that going anywhere, plus the time it takes to get everyone ready and in the car, plus the time it takes to get everyone settled and recovered from the outing, takes a lot of time. If you are going on playdates, to sports and other activities and running errands throughout the week, then of course you don’t have time to do everything that I do while I’m sitting on my butt at home. And that’s totally okay!
We’re in a season right now where we’re working very hard towards a specific goal – for me to be able to cut back work significantly after the baby’s born, which requires working more now – and we’ve made sacrifices to accomplish that goal. But I am very much looking forward to cutting my workload when the baby’s born and joining a morning Bible study again. I still have a stack of books I’d love to read, and as we adjust to our new normal, I’d like to add in an extracurricular activity or homeschool co-op as well.
Don’t get me wrong. I love being a work-at-home mom. It fits my personality and my parenting style (I’m not really a “get down on the floor and play” type of parent anyway), and I enjoy what I do. I think I’m more disciplined, and more appreciative of the time I do have, than I would be otherwise, and I think it’s made me a better wife and mother for the most part.
BUT, I hate the idea that anyone would try to measure themselves against me as some sort of standard. I am so not perfect, and there are plenty of people who would rather be baking or playing with their kids or going to meet a girlfriend for coffee or whatever. I refuse to speculate if one is better than the other because I firmly and confidently believe that I am doing exactly what God has called me to do (well, not the snapping at my family part, but you know…), and as long as you are confident in the decisions you’re making for your family, that should be enough for you too!
It’s true that these posts have been popping up on a few other blogs too! I think that, as a culture, we will always strive to “do it all”, and this is what seems to be accepted as the benchmark with which to measure yourself. Ha! Good one.
In my PPD support group, we talked about this a whole lot, and how it was ok to be imperfect. These posts, like yours, serve as a reminder of that. You touch a very important point too: that we are all different, with different goals, ideas, values, and so we will do different things, and not do others. And that’s ok!
Maybe I should do a list of all that I do as well, even personal, and I just might be surprised…
Thank you so much for this post. I know it is never possible to do it all, but it is easy to feel guilty about not doing it all. I am finally to a point that I don’t care if anyone is measuring me because I know, they aren’t perfect either, they are just afraid to admit it.
Mandi, such a great and transparent post! I have to admit I sometimes wonder how you “do it all”. (I was literally thinking of asking you to give us a little “schedule” one day!) But I think you nailed it and I’ve said the same thing to other people a hundred times, “You make time for what’s important to you.” And for me, it might be important to sit on the couch and read 50 blogs in a row. Or it might be to play on the floor w/my kids. Or it might be to figure out how to make a few bucks on my blog. But whatever it is I make time for it. Anyway, that probably didn’t make sense…and even tho’ I know you (and others) don’t have it all together it IS sometimes easy to think that way. Thanks for the reality check!
I. Love. You. You are so fabulous! Your posts help me get through each day. Really.
I have wondered how you do it all… especially being pregnant in this HEAT with three little girls.
Really, though, I think you are a wonderful example of what a wife and mother should be. And, I think more people should model you and how you do things… by doing what they feel is most important.
Great post, Mandi. I will definitely be passing this one on!
Mandi! You totally burst my bubble! I thought you were perfect and did it all! I almost changed my whole theory about “busy” because of you!! LOL!! Seriously…thanks for keeping it real.
Wonderful post and so true! Thank you for being so real and honest with everyone. Life is all about the choices we make. No one can do it all but we choose what’s important to us or what we can realistically do and have to let the rest go.
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I love the “real” you!
Thank you for sharing that you are normal!
Great blog! Thanks for sharing. I like the idea of doing it all. I just know that I can’t!
Bravo! One size does not fit all. Thanks for promoting the idea that everyone, including moms, needs to be who they were designed to be instead of worrying about how they measure up to others. A wonderful therapist I worked with years ago called this “comparing your inside with her outside” - we compare the worst of ourselves with the best of others.
I love the idea of making the list - might do that and post it on the mirror for days when I forget what I know!
Many thanks -
I have a friend who always asks how I manage all that I do. And this post is a great explanation for what we all get done - and don’t get done! I choose the things I love, the things I need to do and skip everything else. We all have the same 24 hours in a day after all, none us can do “everything” in those 24 hours. And thanks for the reminder to quit thinking other people do more than me - I do what’s right for me and my family - good enough!!
[...] How I Do It All…Secrets From A Perfect Wife and Mother from Mandi at Doodles Place {a must read for every mama} [...]
I liked this so much that I featured it in today’s Weekend Reads. I thought you would like to know !
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Great post! (I came over from orgjunkie.com.) I love that you spelled out exactly what you DON’T do, because the image of the woman who Does It All is very destructive. Bravo!
God knew just what I needed to hear today and I’m so glad that I stumbled upon this article! I found it very encouraging. Thank you.
Kathy
[...] already confessed that I’m not superwoman, and if you haven’t yet read that post, I hope you will go read it before you read this one. [...]
I LOVE, LOVE, LOVE this post! I especially love your I do and I don’t list. It really made me think about how inadequate I have been feeling, and how I might benefit from making one of those lists and letting myself know that I DO get SOME stuff done, even if I can’t “do it all.”
LOL, what is it about mothers that make them feel that they HAVE to do it all!? It seems to be a raging epidemic!
[...] Learn the secrets on how to be a perfect wife and mother (like moi?!)! (thanks, [...]
[...] I heart Organizing Your Way. It is one of my very favorite sites! And Mandi is super nice, and a huge inspiration. I am in awe of how she does it all! [...]