I’ve mentioned a couple times that I would share my philosophy about playing with and spending time with my kids, and I promise to do that in this post. But first, I want to start with a disclaimer.
When I shared my “Day in the Life of…” post, I absolutely was not holding my schedule up as an ideal or something I think others should strive for. Quite the opposite. While it has been typical for us for the past six months, and while it does show how I get so much done, the reason I’ve been working so hard and so much is precisely so that I can cut way back now.
I enjoy working at home, and I don’t see myself ever stopping entirely, but working full time as a transcriptionist is not an ideal situation when you have so many little ones, and so our plan has been to cut expenses and build our savings while at the same time building another stream of income for me that didn’t involve tight deadlines and sitting with earphones in my ears.
That said, I do think that my philosophy as a parent has made the sacrifices we’ve made easier. That philosophy is twofold — 1) I believe my children will benefit by seeing us all work hard and make sacrifices in order to meet a goal that benefits our family. And 2) I don’t believe being a good mother is defined by playing on the floor or spending every moment with my children.
The first is pretty self-explanatory, so I thought I’d share a few thoughts about the second. Again, my goal is not at all to convince you of how you should or should not raise your kids, although I do hope it will give you food for thought.
I am with my kids 24 hours a day. We rarely use babysitters, even free ones such as grandparents, and I don’t often get the itch to be away from them. However, I also don’t sit on the floor and play with them that often either. I want my children to know how to play by themselves and with each other without me having to entertain them, and I really don’t like playing trains or Snap ‘n Style dolls or whatever it is they’re playing.
I know this is the point where many of you are ready to lecture me about how fast they grow up or how I’ll miss these opportunities when they’re gone. Some of you may be getting ready to scroll to the bottom and leave me a comment telling me how deprived you think my children are because they have a horrible mom like me.
Let me assure you that while I don’t play with them by the definition above, it does not mean that we don’t spend quality time together. My kids are almost always welcome to join me in whatever it is I’m doing — whether it be laundry, dishes or work at the computer. I often have at least one helper when I’m doing chores and one little girl snuggled up next to me while I work.
The amazing thing about their ages is that they don’t care whether we’re playing cars or folding towels. In fact, truth be told, I think they’re actually happier and more content while folding towels with me.
We also snuggle up and read together throughout the day, and I’m always happy to participate in whatever pretend play they want — often acting as the waiter in a fancy restaurant when serving their meals or doing a poor impression of any number of accents as we go about our chores.
We make up rhymes, sing songs and take turns telling stories to each other pretty much all day. I’ve been known to throw together an impromptu dance party on more than one occasion, and I make sure everyone gets their fair share of snuggles and “I love yous” in any given day.
They also play by themselves or together a lot. In fact, right now I’m watching Pumpkin Doodle and Monkey Doodle collect wildflowers and grasses from our yard for who knows what, and they’ve been at it for almost two hours. Occasionally they come to the window to show me what they’ve found, and I ooh and ahh appropriately when they do. But I love that they don’t need me to be with them or tell them what to do in order to stay busy!
I can’t imagine balancing life as a work-at-home mom if I felt like I needed to be on the floor playing with them or entertaining them all day. If that style works for you, and you’re happy with it, then I’m not saying there’s anything wrong with that. For me, this fits my overall philosophy as a parent — with the goal being to raise productive, godly adult women — and I think my children are thriving.
What is your parenting philosophy? Do you spend a lot of time playing on the floor? Do you feel guilty when you take time to do other things instead of playing with your kids?
{ 11 comments… read them below or add one }
Your philosophy of parenting sounds remarkably like mine! I am sooooo not a get down on the floor and play choo choo trains kind of mom. My kids are always welcome to join me in what I am doing and I will read to them, sing with them, etc. But I am not there to entertain them! I am there to raise them to be decent human beings. Anyway, just wanted to tell you I feel the same way. And that I love your blog!
You sound like you have a reasonable philosophy to me.
I am not an on the floor playing kind of mom either. That doesn’t mean I never do. I just would rather not most of the time. I like that our kids can play on their own or with each other, but still like to spend time with us while we are folding towels or cleaning the garage or baking bread. Time spent with kids doesn’t have to be all playtime.
It sounds as if our parenting philosophies are very similar. I think that it’s important for children to learn to play independently and not rely on an adult to entertain them. I love spending time with my children by reading to them and doing crafts from time to time, but I’m not a get down on the floor and play mom either.
I always feel guilty when I’m not 100% one-on-one play on the floor with my daughter
(she is 14 mo) Do I think I should feel guilty? No. I agree with your philosophy up there, and I do think that we can spend quality, loving time with our children doing things other than playing choo-choo train. Maybe it will be better when she is older, and/or has siblings to play with? I guess time will tell! She currently requires a lot of attention, and is the type of person that needs to be around people.
You did give some food for thought. I think every parent eventually find their way, and we shouldn’t expect it to take 2 weeks (note to self!!!)
However, I am able to fold laundry with her (and usually prevent her from unfolding it, heh), and I do knit on the playmat while she brings me books and toys to look at.
“I think they’re actually happier and more content while folding towels with me.”
This reminds me of a book I finished not too long ago: “Too Small Too Ignore” by Wess Stafford.
I won’t get into all the specifics about the book, but it said in there that children feel important when they’re included in “grown up” activities, rather than pushed aside. I tend to do that – “go find something to do while I finish dishes, dinner, (or whatever it is I’m doing).” I’ve been making more of an effort to include them…I think it can really empower a child
Were you able to do this when your children were toddlers?
I have a 21-month-old and a 4-month-old, and I do find myself on the playroom floor for most of the day. My oldest is just not happy when I’m anywhere else! Any suggestions for teaching him to play independently, or will that happen naturally as he grows older and can play with little brother?
I agree with your parenting style….I have read some great parenting books that suggest that we are our children’s parents…NOT their playmates! My kids don’t even ask me to play with them. I think it’s very important for them to see that Mommy has a life of her own. I have responsibilities, even though I home with them all day.
Our special time together includes activities, school, reading, occasional tea parties or dancing, family games, etc….but I don’t “play” with them. I don’t feel guilty about it either.
I started when they were young (basically from birth) by giving them play time alone. I did spend floor time with them when they were babies, but not all day.
Oh, Mandi! I hope I didn’t make you feel that way! No one could EVER doubt your love, attention, affection and absolute zeal of being a mother! You do SO MUCH for your girls and I loved seeing your schedule b/c you seem like a super mom to me!
Play on the floor, don’t play on the floor, whatever. You’re the best!
Same here, same ideas– I do specific reading time with my toddler each day but I’m not huge into play. Instead I welcome him to join me in whatever part of my chores he finds interesting (so long as it’s reasonably safe). He loves chores with me (laundry, dishwasher, pretends to clean, etc) and also with his father (weeding, mowing, etc). He likes to go out pretty much every day and will cling to the front doorknob by 10 am if we haven’t, asking if we will go in the car. but again, it’s to go to the grocery store or run other errands. He seems to love being included. His independent play is developing and other parents have remarked on it. I think it’s a good approach. Mennonite families believe that kids can start doing basic chores around 2 and that they love it and, though they probably wouldn’t use this term, that it empowers them. Don’t apologize. Where this idea got started that kids either need to be with full-time non-parent caregivers OR with parents who are catering to their every play need is beyond me. Parents, yes. Down on the floor every five minutes, no. Keep up the good work!
Wow thank you so much for this post, I have only just stumbled upon it, and I really agree with your parenting philosophy…thought I feel guilty every day that I am not spending more 1 on 1 time with the kids playing “toys” etc. We do read books together at least twice a day, random dancing, gardening together, chores together, etc. etc. We have fun…I know my daughter absolutely LOVES it when we play polly pockets together or something, but I rarely do as I really don’t enjoy it (sad to say) but I also feel guilty about not doing so very much either. I am so happy there are other parents who feel they are still doing a good job of mothering, even if they don’t “play on the floor” or whatever daily with their children. Thanks again!